I put myself out there time and time again for people with advice and action and often it has blown up in my face so for the longest time I didn't allow new people into my life. I have recently, since my dad's death, started to open that closed off part of me back up. It has backfired a bit but overall I have some of the best friends I have had in my life. Two people in particular.
One of them needs a lot of support and at one point I felt I was being sucked dry emotionally on a certain topic so I did take my advice at giving myself a safe space and having soft barriers up. Her and I talked about it and being she is a good person, she didn't throw it in my face and we resolved it and we are stronger for it. Balancing the friendship.
The other friend, it is kind of the opposite. They support me time and time again at some of my worst times and they just stand strong for me while I am a hurricane of an emotional storm. I make it a point to give this friend a lot of verbal support such as advice and positive reinforcement, but hands down they are the tree I lean on the most in my life. They also have a good safe bubble and he calls me on it when I start pushing boundaries and I definitely need to hear it at times.
Kelly asked basically the following question: What was the last inspiring thing you have said to somebody and what would happen to you if you said that to yourself? Now I can't remember specifics, but I know I tell my friends I mentioned above, that they are strong people and that they shouldn't question their gut instincts/intuition about things be it about people or of a spiritual nature. Now I strongly feel I am not strong but both those friends tell me I am. It is hard for me to believe because of all the traumatic shit I have dealt with. I just feel like I endure. I would feel very uncomfortable. It would be like if I spilt that wisdom in my lap and it would look like I peed myself. That is the type of feelings I get from saying stuff like that to myself. I feel silly and stupid saying stuff like that to myself. I know I need to get to the point of finding that comfort level. The struggle is real.
I agree that friends need to have discussions about boundaries. I have seen people get upset because they get called out on their own stuff and when they project onto others. But in the end if they are your friend, they will surely understand and want to be your friend. Great information.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. I have some really great supportive friends in my life right now.
DeleteStrength and weakness are opposite sides of the same coin. In truth, no one can be strong 24/7. There is a time to break, be vulnerable, and be compassionate with ourselves. We need to lean into the pain, because the only way out of it is through it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you're strong. Maybe you're not. And maybe it's okay to acknowledge that you're not strong right now, because in that acknowledgement, you can ask yourself, "What do I need right now?"
Do you need a hug? Do you need quiet time? Do you need to cry, scream, or throw something?
It's okay to be weak, and it's okay to acknowledge the weakness, because that's when we can be true to ourselves and what we are feeling. It's when we can acknowledge that something isn't right in our lives, and we can then begin to make some changes, inbetween areas of rest.
So strong or not, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that you are compassionate and understanding towards yourself, and taking life one step at a time.
Thanks Nicole :) Oh I make it very clear when I need a hug XD I tell my friends directly that, what sucks is they all live too far!
DeleteI feel my experiences in my life good and the bad, have made me the go to friend, and there is a need for balance in any friendships,we have growth in listening to the inner you
ReplyDeleteOh I hear that. Same. It took some time to find the balance and it is an ongoing process as well.
DeleteStrength is not always how you feel while going through stuff. It is the fact that you got through it in one piece. You sound pretty strong to me. ��
ReplyDeleteAw thanks! :) That is a good point too.
DeleteI think the fact that you are learning your weaknesses is a strength. It's not easy to admit to our weaknesses, nor is it easy to face them and share them with others.
ReplyDeleteIt's also not easy to talk to others, especially those we love, about what they do or what we do that may bother each other.
I say take one day at a time. Love yourself unconditionally And don't worry about any other white noise out there. It can drive you nuts.
Worry about what others think have been one of those life long struggles.
DeleteIt's wonderful that you have such supportive friends. I agree that friendships can easily become unbalanced, and it's really precious when the relationship is strong enough that you can be honest with each other about that.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly took a long time to find these goodfriends but it was worth going through all the shitty ones to know what a good one is like.
Delete