It took many years to speak up for myself. The first time I was able to speak up and stand up for myself was in high school and calling bullies out on their behavior (specifically to make them feel childish and immature haha). I felt so powerful when it happened. After a life filled with just accepting shit it was great.
I also started to speak up to my needs to teachers and those who were "above" me in professional ways about my needs for being blind. I needed to request and demand things instead of expecting them to do it without asking or anything like that.
When it comes to personal communication, as an adult, I am a gemini and we are communicators. Even to the degree it is TOO much communication. I have not much of a filter when it comes to speaking my mind even when addressing difficult topics. I find the more I care about someone though, the more worried I get about how they will take an honest topic I needed to address to them. I have lost some friends with speaking up and being honest because they didn't want to hear it, but most have stayed strong. For example, I had to distance myself from a friend who kept surrounding herself with unhealthy people and drinking too much. I was in a place that I was not taking care of myself because I was so involved and worried about her shit. I told her I had to stop being friends with her until she basically straightened up. She actually respected what I was saying and understood. There was no fight and eventually she came around and cleaned her act up and we are good now.
I find being honest even if it could hurt others or hurt me (I try to be tactful as possible) it is worth it because I am speaking my truth. I also make it a point to listen to their side with as much of an unbiased perspective as possible. It really makes friendships and relationships much easier.
There are few things I refrain on speaking up about but those few things are game changing types of things that I am unwilling to risk friendships and relationships over. Some things sometimes do need to be kept to ones self for the better of the whole.
The throat chakra is the one i continually do the most work on!!!! I have always had an issue with my voice. Saying what I think I should and not always what I feel. I raised my daughter to speak her mind...respectfully, but still to speak it.
ReplyDeleteA lot of people struggle with this. My best friend does as well. I have never had a problem spewing my thoughts to a big negative at times lol. But I do speak it because not speaking it, I feel like there is a big ball stuck in my throat otherwise.
Deletespeaking up and setting boundaries is very healthy. Being honest with those that we love can help further the relationship.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Not to mention, when others can be honest with you they can help you grow as a person as well. As long as you take it in a constructive manner. :) I am lucky to have friends who call me on my shit :D
DeleteI've taught my children to voice there thoughts, and I will but I'm quite soft but I do voice myself but with as much empathy and compassion as possible
ReplyDeleteA lot of parents these days don't teach their kids this and this is why so many are unfiltered on on social media in my opinion.
DeleteIt's so weird. I used to be so quiet as a kid. I observed more. I was physically, sexually and verbally abused, so I was quiet.
ReplyDeleteAs I grew older, I knew how to create my shelter. I became more vocal around people/friends/family that were in my circle. They started telling me I was a bitch and should be quite like I was when I was younger.
I was different in corporate. I would let people bully me, like I used to let my mom - verbally, mentally, even physically. And was constantly being told I needed to be a b*tch, say f*ck you - it wasn't me, and the last 5 years of my corporate life tore my soul apart.
Sadly, it was always women who did this to me. I dressed too nice, I am too nice, I'm not a big enough bitch.
Um, why can't I be accepted for me? I get the work done, my team respects me and gets the work done.
I need to go back to a full time corporate job, but my soul has been so beaten down, I am sick and at a loss,
but I need it financially.
It sounds like those women were insecure and were trying to pull you down because they saw you as competition or were intimidated of you and your goodness. Ignore those chicken heads :D
DeleteI sure try to.
DeleteSpeaking up for yourself when your young is especially hard if you grew up in a family where children are to be seen but not heard. My family was like that. My parents would not allow my brother and I to speak up if we disagreed with them on anything. In fact, we were often punished just for having different opinions. The flip side is that my parents were bullies, and were often very demanding about their needs, and vocal about what they wanted.
ReplyDeleteThere's definitely a key to finding the right balance in communication. If I find that balance, I'll let you know! lol
Exactly
DeleteI think that speaking up for ourselves is harder than most of us will admit. I do so much better at it now, but I know I'm still not there. Wanting to please people is a tricky trap!
ReplyDeletePleasing others seems to be a lot of peoples struggle
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