So, just to put it out there, I am pansexual and gender queer. Pansexual in my definition is that I am sexually attracted to everyone regardless of gender (including trans people), ethnicity, disability, religion background, etc. Basically I don't care if you are Hispanic trans male in a wheelchair from an affluent family, or if you are a fifty year old woman with kids, poor, and white. It doesn't matter. I am attracted to personality. Also for me being gender queer just means I do and don't identify as a female or male. I generally use pronouns of a feminine nature but I don't mind having he/him/his either. I have a very strong masculine side and has always been this way. Not strong enough to identify as trans though I have had gender dysphoria at times until I realized being gender queer is a thing.
I was lucky to be raised in a household that my parents made it clear (not knowing my history) made it clear they could give two fucks who we were with as long as I was happy (or my sister who is apparently straight ☺). We always had gay friends over so it just wasn't a big deal. I never put it out there that I was "bi" at the time because I didn't know that pansexual was a thing back in my early teens. I think they suspected and they knew I was chill with the lgbtq community, but it even to this day is just a private thing that is one of the few things I don't need to spew about.
I remember I was always attracted to females but just as much males. Not counting childlike curiosity and playing doctor which most of us do as kids, my first real real girlfriend I had in high school. It didn't last long. She was very screwed up and unhealthy. She misinterpreted a conversation as me flirting with a guy and she punched me in the face at school. I haven't had a g/f since but I have had plenty of experiences since. My peers always knew I was sexually fluid and very much a tom boy.
I was able to put a name to what I identify as gender and sexuality when I worked at an lgbtq youth center non-profit, as an intern. I thought I knew it all with that area but wow was I wrong. By the time I left, I had words to describe what I was and "came out" openly in a group at the job and they of course were extremely supportive. It was great to experience that.
I have never held back that I was sexually fluid to any guys I have dated or my husband or my ex husband. They needed to accept me for me. Most were fine with it or thought it was "hot". My husband just shrugs lmfao. I have had a number of b/f's and close male friends that were sexually fluid as well so they get it without explaining myself.
Sexuality and gender identity as a topic is fascinating and a topic I love to discuss. As for me and self love though, this is one of those areas I am very comfortable and happy with my sexuality and gender identity. The only struggle I have had was in my mid twenties I was having a crisis if I was really more attracted to females. That it was something I eventually came to terms with that though I am sexually attracted to females, I don't think I would ever date one again. Unless they were very masculine. But since I am married I am all good!
Again, I was lucky to be raised with a family who gave no fucks about this topic and accepted me regardless if I wore baggy pants and men's t-shirts, hat on backwards, or wore a dress, or dated a bi man or a lesbian woman. I am glad I had that experience.
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