This is something I do struggle with from time to time. I have a lot of wants and needs in life but due to usually external reasons I just can't achieve them for one reason or another. Here are a few of the things.
Working: Due to having physical issues that would make working very difficult, I have actively chosen to stay home with the blessing of my husband who is a great provider and doesn't guilt me over it. I have relatively recently accepted that I may not ever have a traditional job even though I even got a masters in psychology which has come to be almost useless. I have worked non-traditional jobs but they were all temporary or internship jobs. I struggled even then to do it. I do occassionally put feelers out there towards jobs I think I can physically do but overall I have moved on from this.
My book: I love writing and I have so many stories I have started and never finished. I have a book that is over 75k words and almost done but I have been stuck ever since dad was ill and died and have done little to progress it. I am struggling to know if I should give up or really work through it even though my heart is no longer in it. Though for other writings it is.
certain friendships: There are people in my life that I have a hrd time letting go to the void even some I haven't talked to in over a decade but that I want to still talk to but for whatever reason, trivial and seriou reasons, I cannot. I still dream one day smoe of these people will be active once again, though I know it is unlikely.
Fantasizing: I have a vivid imagination and I have many dreams. Some to do with what I would dream of doing with my life but because of the situation I am in is most likely never going to happen, wanting to go back in time and fix things which is impossible, and even at some points dreaming of people (during low points in my marriage) I could be with and how life would be better with them, but knowing it wouldn't logically.
Some of these things could be not given up on and still strived for but the energy just isn't there. Then there are things that are completely out of my hands that I cannot pursue. Then there are just the fantasies that are just dreams and fiction and again will never be a reality and I should stop having.
There are simple things I have no problem giving up defeat to. But things above and even arguments because let me tell you I like to argue for the sake of arguing lol, I find it hard to admit when I am in the wrong, wrong in general, or just following a line of thinking that just isn't healthy.
I will get down on myself extremely hard and get lost in the thoughts of what will never be in life, it is completely unhealthy but I have a hard time stopping it. The hamster in my head is on a wheel with steroids and it does stem from anxiety which I am still coping with dealing with. I do feel once I deal with my high anxiety and depression successfully, a lot of this will no longer be an issue.
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